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“Ephraim, he hath mixed himself among the people; Ephraim is a cake not turned.” Hosea 7:8

In the past centuries God often used letters to bring great blessings to His children. Among famous letter writers were John Newton, Fenelon, Gerhard Tersteegen and Samuel Rutherford.

The following comes from a letter by Samuel Rutherford who was a non-conformist Scottish Puritan, who was banished from Edinburgh for refusing to comply with the dictates of the ruling prelates, and forced to live in Aberdeen where he was not allowed to preach. The banishment was not welcomed and hard to endure, but in his difficulties he discovered an understanding of God and His ways that would not have been possible in any other context. In this letter he extolls God’s gracious care and blessing in his “confinement,” concluding that his prison had “neither lock nor door.” This was obviously true since he was free to move about, but he was speaking to the greater reality of God not only bringing blessings no matter what was going on, but also God bringing special blessings. Eventually Rutherford was condemned to death for his non-conformist views, but he was spared the execution, for he died of illness before it was carried out. However, he was looking forward to dying for Jesus. I think we need to adopt Rutherford’s attitude towards our trials and begin viewing them through the lens of God’s love and perfect keeping, for our situations have “neither lock nor door” in our day.

Rutherford’s letter…

Dear Brother:

I never believed, till now, that there was so much to be found in Christ on this side of death and of heaven. Oh, the ravishments of heavenly joy that may be had here, in the small gleanings of comforts that fall from Christ! “What fools are we who know not, and consider not the weight and the telling that is in the very earnest-penny, and the first fruits of our hoped-for harvest! How sweet, how sweet is our infeftment (old Scottish word referring to taking possession of property, in this case of the blessings found in Christ)! Oh, what then must personal possession be!

I find that my Lord Jesus hath not miscooked or spilled this sweet cross; He hath an eye on the fire and the melting gold, to separate the metal and the dross. Oh how much time would it take me to read my obligations to Jesus my Lord, who will neither have the faith of His own to be burnt to ashes, nor yet will have a poor believer in the fire to be half raw, like Ephraim’s unturned cake! This is the wisdom of Him who hath His fire in Zion, and furnace in Jerusalem. I need not either bud or flatter temptations and crosses, nor strive to buy the devil or this malicious world by, or redeem their kindness with half a hairbreadth of truth. He who is surety for His servant for good doth powerfully overrule all that. I see my prison hath neither lock nor door: I am free in my bonds, and my chains are made of rotten straw; they shall not bide one pull of faith…. Therefore we wrong Christ who sigh, and fear, and doubt, and despond in them. Our sufferings are washed in Christ’s blood, as well as our souls; for Christ’s merits brought a blessing to the crosses of the sons of God. And Jesus hath a back-bond of all our temptations, that the free-warders shall come out by law and justice, in respect of the infinite and great sum that the Redeemer paid….

I bless the Lord, that all our troubles come through Christ’s fingers, and that He casteth sugar among them, and casteth in some ounce-weights of heaven, and of the Spirit of glory that resteth on suffering believers, into our cup, in which there is no taste of hell.

My dear brother, ye know all these better than I. I send water to the sea, to speak of these things to you; but it easeth me to desire you to help me to pay my tribute of praise to Jesus. Oh what praises I owe Him! I would I were in my free heritage, that I might begin to pay my debts to Jesus. I entreat for your prayers and praises. I forget not you.

Your brother and fellow-sufferer in and for Christ,
Samuel Rutherford,
Aberdeen, Sept. 17, 1637

Read the rest of Rutherford’s letter and more articles on how to endure trials at path2prayer.com.

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Here’s some more poetry from my friend E. Toni Doswell. I can only say, by God’s grace, ME TOO!

I Just Want To Make It Home

I’m tired, been on this journey a long, long, time.
I just want to make it on Home.
I’m too far away to see the kitchen lights aglow.
But close enough to see the tiny path that leads there.
A path where many worn and torn adventurers have walked,
Bravely carrying the cross of Prince Emmanuel.

I’ve been buffeted, slapped, whipped, bruised and beaten,
But I continue on.
The prize is too great to even think about turning back.
Yes, I just want to make it Home.

This world jostles you like a wild horse on a mountain range.
No matter which way you go, it’s designed to keep you on your back.
But I hear the bells from afar ringing from the pearly gates.
And I just want to make it Home.

There’s been a lot of criticism lately— well– there always has been.
Skeptics who don’t believe that such a place exists.
They have their scientific reasons all mathematically calculated,
But somehow the batteries in their calculators are all down.
Even their pens have run out of ink and their pencils are dull.
From my calculations, it’s through the opening in the distant constellation Orion
That I see Home.

I ask you not to try to pull me back.
Don’t try to twist my arm to return back into this world of sin of deceit.
Ain’t nothing to be gained by that trick.
I got my eye on Home, and you can’t make me quit.

The gates there are pearly. The streets are gold.  The walls of precious stones and jasper do exist.
Ain’t nothing like Home.
I got a mansion there, not fashioned with the hands of men.
My Father called me to take this journey a long time ago.
I just can’t wait to see it all when I go Home.

My steps are slower now than when I first started.
My head is gray and the strands are few.
But Home is still in my head, fresh as ever.
And I’m still trudging on.

Goin to make it—- Yes!
Can’t be shaken — Yes!
Battle scarred, tired and weary — Yes!
But I’m going to make it Home.  — YES!

Written 1/12/2010

Read more of Toni’s poetry at her page at path2prayer.com

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I added a sermon to path2prayer.com from Theodore Monod this morning that is wonderful. You may want to read it for yourself.

Here is a paragraph from his sermon:

“A friend was telling me that he has had more gladness in his ministry in three months than during the twelve previous years. How is that? Did not he know of “the rest of faith?” Yes, years ago. What then? Ah! now he knows the joy of bringing souls to the Lord, and his strength and youth are renewed. It is a great thing to have the rest of faith; but then there is the rest of obedience, the rest of service, the rest that the Saviour promises when He says: “If any man will do My will; I will manifest Myself unto him? “He that hath My commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth Me, and he that loveth Me shall be loved of My Father, and I will love him, and will manifest Myself to him.” That is true rest, that is lasting rest, in unity of purpose, in unity of work with the Lord. We have first to be converted; then we have to be consecrated to God; further, we have to be consumed on the altar of sacrifice; thus shall we be conquerors, and more than conquerors, bringing others with us to Him that loved us first.”

You can find his sermon at this link: Union with Christ; Source of Fruitfulness

Should you be curious, Monod was a popular speak of the Keswick Holiness Meetings.

I also love the following poem:

On Thee My Heart Is Waiting…

On thee my heart is resting!
Ah, this is rest indeed!
What else, Almighty Saviour,
Can a poor sinner need?
Thy light is all my wisdom,
Thy love is all my stay;
Our Father’s home in glory,
Draws nearer every day.

My guilt is great, but greater
The mercy Thou dost give;
Thyself, a spotless Offering,
Hast died that I should live.
With Thee, my soul unfettered
Has risen from the dust;
They blood is all my treasure,
Thy word is all my trust.

Through me, Thou gentle Master,
Thy purposes fulfill!
I yield myself for ever
To Thy most holy will.
What though I be but weakness,
My strength is not in me;
The poorest of Thy people
Has all things, having Thee.

When clouds are darkest round me,
Thou, Lord art then most dear,
My drooping faith to quicken,
My weary soul to cheer.
Safe nestling in Thy bosom,
I gaze upon Thy face;
In vain my foes would drive me
From Thee, my hiding-place.

‘Tis Thou hast made me happy,
‘Tis Thou hast set me free;
To whom shall I give glory
For ever, but to Thee?
Of earthly love and blessing
Should every stream run dry,
Thy grace shall still be with me,
Thy grace, to live and die!

There is much on Monod at the Monod Page at Path2prayer.com.

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What does it mean to be too busy? That is a question I often ponder and one I suspect you ponder too. Is there such a thing? When you read of Jesus going and praying through the night and appearing in the early morning hours, it is hard not to question his personal temperance. I know questioning what Jesus was doing isn’t the first thing one thinks of doing, but are there limits?

I choose not to suggest an answer, since I believe God apparently grants supernatural strength to those who are living for Him. Note the following example of Gerhard Tersteegen, the German Pietist, who was greatly used of God in his day.

Tersteegen was in ministry in the early 1700s. Though he was naturally reclusive, yet he had such a relationship with Jesus that God began sending people to him from far and near.

“For thirty years, starting at the age of 30, he remained incessantly busy doing good to others, though his own health was always delicate, and from time to time he had severe attacks of illness and of neuralgic pain. From morning to night he never had a moment to himself; the number of those who flocked to him for counsel was so great that there were frequently twenty or thirty persons waiting in his outer room for a chance to speak with him, while his meetings were always attended by as many as could crowd into the rooms of the ground floor of his little house—about four hundred people. People came to him from England, Holland, Sweden, and Switzerland; sick person would send for him, and he would pass hours or whole nights at their bedside. If he went into the neighboring country for rest, people would watch for him by the roadside and carry him off to the nearest barn, where a congregation would immediately assemble. He had an immense correspondence, and new editions of his hymns and other religious works were constantly demanded. To his quiet temperament this incessant labor and absence of solitude was most uncongenial, but he accepted it willing as his appointed task…. In all his dealings, it is recorded, he was most ‘circumspect, punctual, and practical,’ though ready to set aside his ordered plans at any call of obvious duty.” (H. E. Govan, Gerhard Tersteegen: Life and Selections)

Something tells me I need to first make sure I have an authentic relationship with Jesus, such that my work is really the work He has chosen for me, and that I have something real and personal to share—religion is more caught than taught.

What do you think?

You can learn more about Gerhard Tersteegen at the Gerhard Tersteegen Page at path2prayer.com

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I received the following poetry from a friend, on remembering those who are less fortunate. It is worth pondering. I appreciate receiving her permission to share this with others.

Even So, Come Lord Jesus

by E. Toni Doswell

I saw a young man all dressed up in the latest
His pants hung low with no belt– they call it sagging.
In his mouth a long protruding cigarette dangled.
He waddled down the street as best he could,
Occasionally reaching down to pull up his pants.
On his face there was also a sag.
He had been down to the unemployment office 50 times,
And still no one seemed to want to hire him.
He was strong.  He was willing to work.
But no one wanted him when they saw his sagging pants.
They wondered if he had a sagging attitude, too.
He was not alone.  A whole host of others sat at his table of affairs.
It’s too bad that we, the society, cannot understand.
Jesus loves him just as much as he does us, and pities him even more.
Even so, come, Lord Jesus!

And then, not far down the street my eye noticed an older woman.
She was huddled beneath a blanket under a staircase
Where she thought she could hide and get a good night’s sleep.
The shelter where she stayed for 30 days had just evicted her.
They had to make room for others, and so….
She returned back on the streets.  At least no one could evict her
From under the stairs where she as able to cuddle and huddle.
Her family, her children, had all abandoned her.
Her children, with their selfish whims and high minds thought
“Out of sight—out of mind!”  Not remembering that it was she who had
Changed their diapers, sacrificed, and done the best she could by them.
Now, that they had “arrived,” they went their selfish ways.
Just waiting for her to die—and just go away.
But the Heavenly Father knew, and gave them their wish.  He sent an angel to her side.
As the cold wind whipped into her face for the last time
He cuddled her in His bosom and took her away to rest.  Her toils had ended.
Even so, come, Lord Jesus!

I look at the children who are being born into the world.
Some are born into homes where they will grow and bloom progressively.
Others are born into homes where they will be stunted for life.
The “village helps raise the child,” but some people in the village never grew up
So what do you expect from the children, but the same old ways?
Children are our future.  They will one day rule.
But it seems so many parents want to keep the discipline out of the picture,
Thus, they participate in raising a fool.
The child begins to rule them, and they refuse to raise their hand.
They call it “corporal punishment.”  Parents are scared to go to jail
and so they cannot take a stand.
However, they are called to “take the stand” when their child goes to jail.
Then they wish they had disciplined him or her to save them from the hell
They will have to face in prisons and jail.
Even so, come, Lord Jesus!

There are many saintly people who, too, are missing the mark.
They attend church all week long and look the part.
They are called “Sister,” “Brother,” “Deacon,” Reverend,” “Pastor” and Friend.”
They are so busy going to church, sometimes they even leave their children at home for themselves to fend.
Some take their children and stay all day and all night long.
They sing and pray and have “lock-ins” until their voices can’t even sing a song.
They think that is religion, and maybe it is so.
But what about the teeming multitudes to which Jesus would have them to go?
Even so, come, Lord Jesus!

The newspapers and cable networks blare out the social disgraces of the famous who
have yielded to temptation once or many times.
Reporters surround these poor victims seeking to take a picture of them and point out their crimes.
Society begins to judge them and remove them from off their pedestals.
The people who were friendly to them in the time of plenty begin to act like they have a plague.
The famous begin to see they are but human, too.
And the things they thought could be hidden from human eyes,
come out of the closets to haunt them as their money in the bank dwindles down into their lawyers’ bank accounts, and they begin to assess what really counts—money, friends, fans, or family ties.
What really counts is how God sees us in our walks of life.
Power, pleasures, wealth or fame are just icing on the cake as we strive.
Jesus has it all, and He chose to stoop down low.
To save lost humanity who didn’t know where to go.
He’s coming back to take his jewels, not heroes and idols, home.
There, we’ll reign forever in the Heavenly home as priests and kings.
What a day of rejoicing as we open our mouths to praise Him, shout, and sing!
Even so, come, Lord Jesus!

Humans are like plants—here today, and gone tomorrow.
They feel important at times because people applaud them.
They want fame, wealth, fortune and “stuff.”
And never seem to have enough.
But one day they realize that none of these things mean anything.
God, their Creator, was just smiling down on them and gave them their season.
Soon they realize that love is the greatest thing on earth.
And Jesus always held it out to them.
Though, in their blindness they could only see the “stuff.”
But now they realize His blessings never fade,
And the Eternal One is the One who gave.
His Only Begotten Son so that they would have a never fading prize,
Eternal Life and a place in Heaven, and the privilege to see Him face to face, and walk by His side.
Even so, come, Lord Jesus!

This message would be amiss if I did not mention my mother and brother and other loved ones who died.
I still miss them, however, within my memory and heart they still abide.
There are fathers, husbands, wives, daughters, sons, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors and friends whose time came.
And although Jesus, in mercy, knew we would never be the same.
Gave us grace to live, and keep on going, because He’s Our Unfailing Friend.
He took their places in our lives—He’s Our Mother, Father, Spouse, Son, Daughter, Brother, Sister,
Brother, Aunt, Grandmother, Grandfather, Neighbor and Friend until the end.
“There just ain’t nobody like Jesus!” the old woman from the South shouted out.
No, there isn’t anybody like Jesus—that is true without a doubt.
And Jesus will come and make all things new and rectify the wrongs.
That is why the redeemed of the ages, from every nation, will be able to sing a brand new song:
“Worthy, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain, to receive Honor and  Glory and Power Forevermore!”
Even so….come, Lord Jesus!—Written 12/19/09

See more Christian poetry at the Christian Poetry page at path2prayer.com

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“Who may ascend into the hill of the LORD?
Or who may stand in His holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
Who has not lifted up his soul to an idol,
Nor sworn deceitfully.
He shall receive blessing from the LORD,
And righteousness from the God of his salvation.—Ps. 24:3-5

In my library are many books on preparing for the Holy Spirit. Some, like James McConkey’s Three-Fold Secret of the Holy Spirit, are wonderful. There is probably no subject more important and yet one which is so little understood in many ways.

God sent me something which clarifies the subject from my friend James Ash who is working for God as a mission pilot in Guyana. I hope you will read, ponder and pray, for his thoughts are right on target.

Here is an excerpt:

“Around midnight that night, while we were sleeping, without warning the sky opened up and dumped on us for about an hour solid, giving us almost 1000 gallons of fresh rain water. If you’ve ever heard the sound of heavy rain on zinc, you know that it is absolutely deafening. It was like music to my ears!

As we were lying in bed listening to rain drops thundering on zinc, the Lord spoke quietly to my mind about the Latter Rain.

Just before Jesus returns to this earth, God is going to send a spiritual rain shower to drench this earth (Joel 2:28,29). Only those who have been cleansed from sin, emptied of self, connected to the word, and standing upright, will be able to receive the Holy Spirit when it is poured out.”

Read the rest of his note at the Mission Guyana page at path2prayer.com.

There are also many quotes on the need and work of the Holy Spirit at path2prayer.com.

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“Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.” James 5:14,15

I was sent the following testimony from someone who was subscribing to the path2prayer.com newsletter, and thought it might encourage others.

Notice that she found someone to agree with her. On this note, Charles Spurgeon, the famous British Preacher stated the following:

“United prayer is useful inasmuch as God has promised extraordinary and special blessings in connection with it: “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them” [Matthew 18:20]. “If two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven” [Matthew 18:19]. God asks for agreement, and, once the saints agree, he pledges himself that the prayer of his agreeing ones shall be answered. Why, see what accumulated force there is in prayer, when one after another pours out their passionate desires; when many seem to be tugging at the rope; when many seem to be knocking at mercy’s gate; when the mighty cries of many burning hearts come up to heaven. When, my beloved, you go and shake the very gates of heaven with the powerful battering-ram of holy passion, and sacred insistence, then will the kingdom of heaven forcefully advance. When first one, and then another, and yet another, throws their whole soul into the prayer, the kingdom of heaven is conquered and the victory is very great indeed.

“As I was sitting for a little while and thinking over this text I thought of the accumulated love of God which there is in a prayer-meeting, because God loves every one of his children. There is so much love for one, and here is another, and there is so much love for him, and then, if God’s love to one of his people is a reason for answering his requests, if there are ten present, there is ten times the reason; and if there is a thousand present then surely there must be a thousand times the force of love to move our Heavenly Father to grant the accumulated desires of the assembly.

“The prayer-meeting is an institution which ought to be very precious to us, and to be cherished by us as a Church, for to it we owe everything. When our comparatively little chapel was all but empty, was it not a well-known fact that the prayer-meeting was always full? And when the Church increased, and the place was scarcely large enough, it was the prayer meeting that did it all. When we then met at Exeter Hall, we were a praying people, indeed; and when we entered into an even larger arena, the Surrey Music-hall, what cries and tears went up to heaven for our success! And so it has been ever since. It is in the spirit of prayer that our strength lies; and if we lose this, the hair will be cut off from Samson’s head, and God’s Holy Church will become weak as water and though we, as Samson did, go and try to shake ourselves as at other times, we shall hear the cry, “The Philistines are upon you,” and our eyes will be put out, and our glory will depart, unless we continue mightily and earnestly in prayer.”

So spoke Charles Spurgeon. I hope we will all spend more time praying.

Here is the testimony:

I have a miracle son by the name of Matthew. He was born 14 years after an older son and is a real miracle since I had complications with his birth, which necessitated a life-saving emergency caesarean section at the beginning of the 7th month. The doctors were concerned about the baby being so tiny, but I responded that they needed to do what they needed to do, and that God would take care of the rest.

Matthew did well and was able to be taken out of the incubator by the 3rd week. After 2 days, however, he stopped breathing and landed in ICU because his lungs were underdeveloped. He was only 1.5KG after 5 days in ICU, and the doctor called my husband and I in, and told us there was nothing they could do.

I told the doctor that I was praying for Michael, and believed that God would raise him up. The doctor actually agreed that the only remedy was prayer. I don’t know why I used the word “raise” but I know I did not say, “heal.” This was on a Saturday. I chose to go to church on Sunday and afterward just relaxed at home. Monday I went to the hospital and chatted with my son and told him he was called Matthew because he was a gift from God. His 2nd name is Caleb, and I told him that I want to trust God the way Caleb did, and that he (Matthew) did not need all the tubes that were being used with him in the ICU since God was going to raise him up. The next day I returned to the Hospital and found there was still no change.

That night we had prayer at the church and I asked one of the ladies to agree with me for a miracle, and PRAISE God the next day when I went to the hospital’s ICU, I found his cot empty, which caused me to initially freeze! But a nurse soon came to me smiling, asking, “Do you know what your son did last night? I responded, “No. Please tell me.” She proceeded to tell about how Michael had pulled out all the tubes and had been breathing on his own, that he no longer needed the extra help to breath.

The doctor acknowledged that a miracle had taken place.

Matthew is a healthy teenager now serving the Lord and I am happy to say was baptized by immersion two weeks ago at a children’s camp.

You can learn more about prayer at the intercessory prayer link at path2prayer.com. Please write me at path2prayer@gmail.com to subscribe to the newsletter.

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Every day people write me at path2prayer.com regarding their Christian walk. Some questions come more frequently than others. One of them is the “Who should I marry” question.

Some time ago I was asked for suggestions relative to evaluating a potential marriage partner. I did some praying about it and came up with a list that has proved helpful. I have also come to realize that there are a few preliminary questions that need to be positively answered to determine whether one can even ask the “Who should I marry” question. The list is not exhaustive but suggests important indicators that should be considered. Perhaps you have ideas as well. Please comment and let me know.

Evaluating a Potential Marriage Partner

There is no more important decision after one has surrendered to Jesus.

In the Bible you will find the story of a wife being found for Isaac very helpful. Beyond that, I personally find the books Finding the Love of Your Life by Neil Clark Warren and Passion and Purity and Quest For Love by Elizabeth Elliot to be helpful. There are MANY other good books as well on the subject.

Here are a few preliminary things to consider. Pay special attention to these first three questions. Depending on the answers to these three, you may not have to consider the ones that follow for a few years since you are NOT ready to consider the “who to marry” question.

1. Are you of sufficient physical and emotional maturity to make such a decision. An 18 year old, for example, is going to change quite a bit in the next four years and doesn’t even know what he or she will be like at the age of 22. What seemed perfect at 18, may seem awful four years later. It is best to wait before you get into serious discussions with a person of the opposite sex about marriage if a considerable portion of your university experience is still to be completed, for the university experience will greatly broaden your views of life and greatly augment your intellectual and emotional maturity. As a result it is only later that you can properly evaluate a potential marriage partner. For some people it may need to be even later. When in doubt it is always better to delay.

2. Are you of sufficient spiritual maturity to make a decision. If you have not fully surrendered your life to God, you probably won’t ask God to lead you in this, or at the very least you will evaluate on the basis of human criteria instead of using Biblical criteria. If you have not surrendered your life to God, you are NOT ready to consider the “marriage” decision.

3. Do you know God’s purpose for your life? Do you know what kind of work He is calling you to? Until you can answer this question, it is will be very hard to know WHO God may be calling you to marry. Someone has said there are two great questions in life: 1. Where you want to go in life (for the Christian, this would be God’s calling in your life), and 2. Who do you want to go there with (note the right person will be an individual who is wanting, or at least sincerely willing, to go on the same journey you feel called to). IF you can answer the “where” question, the “who” question is far easier to answer. Too many people answer the “who” question before they answer the “where” question. This can cause much frustration and sadness later. In my own mind, the great purpose in life is to know Jesus, to surrender to Him, and to devote one’s life to serving Him. Many attend church, but they haven’t seen that their lives belong to God. For the person who recognizes that he or she belongs to God, it is important to marry someone who similarly recognizes God’s ownership.

If you ARE of sufficient emotional and physical maturity, HAVE surrendered to God, and know WHAT God is preparing you for in life, then you are prepared to consider the rest of the questions.

I am sure there may be instances where people got married in spite of not knowing what God was calling them to, however where these marriages worked out there was great spiritual maturity and a close relationship with God, that allowed God to clearly communicate His will. Too often marriages are rushed into where there isn’t the maturity, the close walk with God, to say nothing of lacking the kind of surrender needed, and the result isn’t the happiness and godly productivity that was hoped for.

The rest of the questions…

4. To what degree do you feel that God has specifically led the two of you together to serve Him in your marriage. In this respect what Muller says about knowing God’s will is very important.

5. Are you both Christians? Don’t even consider marriage with someone who is not a Christian. You may not care today, but you will eventually in most cases, and the saddest people I know are the ones who didn’t care ahead of time, but later changed their mind, and found themselves in very unhappy marriages. The person should also be a member of your own denomination. If not, have them study what you believe BEFORE you get married. A prior strong relationship with the Lord and with the church is a major strength for the future relationship.

6. How close are you in lifestyle? The way you spend your time and money are important to consider. Granted marriage was given to help overcome selfishness, however trend lines in this regard are worth considering.

7. Can the person admit when they have made mistakes and ask forgiveness. One would assume that Christians could easily say “I am sorry,” and “forgive me,” words which are magical in a relationship, but the reality is often otherwise. It is hard being married to someone who cannot—or will not—ask forgiveness. Asking forgiveness is often learned through example at home growing up. A deficit in this area will bring significant challenges to your marriage.

8. Are there similar energy levels. Some people are like the energy bunny, others need quite a bit of rest. Both groups include fine people, but significant differences in energy can challenge the relationship. Ambitions should also be similar, or at least compatible.

9. What are the family dynamics on each side? Can the families celebrate the union? If the family refuses to celebrate the union, are there valid reasons for refusing? What were the values of the respective families? Those values will often significantly impact the relationship in the future. What were the communication styles in the respective families? Do they communicate? Can they express affection? These styles definitely continue into the next relationship. None are necessarily bad, though there are exceptions such as abusive communication styles. Some people refer to the different languages of love and how each person communicates and responds to love in different ways—for example one person verbally expresses love, while another expresses love in giving gifts. Such differences are worth knowing about ahead of time. Reading a good book on the subject would be good. One should also consider how the respective families resolved their differences? Families tend to develop their own ways—patterns—of resolving differences. Some don’t address problems, preferring silence—which can get old over time. Some are very verbal when they are working things out, but resolved whatever is going on and forget about what was said. It has been suggested we all have two communication modes: the one we have when we are on our best behavior, and a backup mode that comes out when we feel threatened or upset, which isn’t that pleasant, and can be similar to what we learned growing up. You should also consider the kind of respect shown to the mom and to the dad. This is an important one, because if the guy didn’t see his mom being respected and valued, he may not show respect to his spouse. The same is true for the wife relative to her respect for her father. Challenges mentioned are not unchangeable life sentences, but they should not be minimized either. In some ways you ARE marrying each other’s family and are bringing the relational styles of your respective families to the marriage. Serious issues should result in serious counseling ahead of time.

10. How optimistic is the person? Optimism and hopefulness comes more easily to some than others. However, in my opinion, it is also a decision, and we can develop a more optimistic frame of mind by saying “yes” and “thank you” to God more often, which of course helps us develop a more confident belief that He is somehow working for good in ALL situations.

11. Can the respective parties make room for differing opinions and different rates of spiritual growth? Some individuals see every decision as a “yes” or “no” kind of decision—some would use the term “black and white”, regardless of what others say. Life isn’t always so simple and appropriate open-mindedness can make for a happier marriage.

12. Minimize the wonderful things ahead of time; maximize the little things. I am not negating the good things that attracted you, but they tend to be forgotten later and the little “We can change that later” things become all important. Don’t assume you can change each other AFTER the marriage. Warren says some good things in this regard.

13. Common interests are often cited as important ingredients of a happy marriage. The more things you enjoy in common, the more things you will enjoy doing together. The more time you spend together, the closer you will feel to each other. These commonalities will also help you weather relational storms.

14. To what degree are former associations having to change. Friendships are voluntary and are a good indicator of compatibility. Having to change your friends to maintain the relationship can be an important negative indicator of compatibility since friendships are voluntary and you usually spend time with people you are compatible with. Of course it could be a positive indicator if you find yourself spending time with people who help you walk with Jesus. Just realize that any change of friendships is an important indicator that yields helpful data.

15. A suspicious, critical, spirit is also to be watched out for—everyone struggles with this some, but some people have more of a problem with this than others, and it can make for future unhappiness. Are there good reasons for the suspicions? Was this mode of thinking learned at home? Do the suspicians indicate an underlying insecurity? If it was a part of the home growing up, it may well continue into the new home. We are advised that this kind of spirit will destroy the spirituality of a church; it will also mar—perhaps even destroy—the happiness of your home. Life is too short to go through life being suspicious of everyone. If you want to experiment with this, spend a week criticizing each other and being suspicious of each another. Then spend a week affirming each other. See which mode results in a sense of feeling closer. Evaluate which mode results in a greater desire to love and cherish each other. I have heard it said that for every critical thing expressed to another person, ten positive things should be expressed.

16. How free is communication? Are your thoughts welcomed and seriously considered, or do you find your opinions being subordinated to the other? Do you find yourself “walking on egg shells” and avoiding certain subjects? This is a major red flag since it often gets worse after marriage. Open communication is an indicator of mutual respect.

17. Inordinate possessiveness can also be problematic. Some people feel good about themselves and can give much in the relationship, for example, desiring the other person to succeed. Others are not as confident, and therefore struggle to allow the other person to have a “healthy” degree of freedom, in fact, sometimes finding it impossible to allow any freedom. This is a serious red flag problem and I urge you to get counseling for this—if this is a serious issue, you should get out of the relationship as quickly as possible!

18. Are you able to study the Bible and pray together? This isn’t the easiest thing to do.

19. What are other people who know you both saying? The heart is deceptive above all things, and love can cause one to be blind. Asking the opinions of others is always a good idea. Many mistakes are made as a result of not seeking counsel from the godly people God has placed in our lives. Ask your parents what they think, but remember that non Christian parents cannot be looked to for godly counsel in the same way Christian parents can be looked to. Ask spiritually mature people what they think? Ask your friends who know you? Most of all ask God. Don’t minimize what is said, but also make sure you let God have the last word. Hudson Taylor, the famous missionary to China, was eventually happily married to Maria Dryer, in spite of a governess who was totally opposed to the marriage—friends secretly arranged for them to meet, at which time he immediately proposed. However, her parents’ permission was sought and obtained prior to their getting married!

There is more I could share but these are a few things that come to mind.

There is something worse than being single, and something better than being single: being married. With the right person it is wonderful; with the wrong person it redefines the word “awful.” But after you are married it will be too late to change anything. That is why you should seriously consider the questions raised!

Happy marriages are God’s desire, God’s will, and are very possible. George Muller was married twice and we get the sense that both marriages were wonderful. In fact, regarding his first wife Mary, he said there was never a moment when he did not look on her without feeling joy and that they NEVER had problems. You will find that most of the people who God used in a great way WERE married. There were exceptions—William Burns, the revivalist from Scotland remained single for example; John Wesley the founder of the Methodist Church was unhappily married—but most great Christians seemed to be happily married. If you want to read a book on the marriages of great Christians, I recommend Quest for Love by Elizabeth Elliot.

You can find a sermon I shared on the subject in NZ at this link: Finding a Wife for Isaac. There are also sections on marriage and knowing God’s will in the practical Christianity section at path2prayer.com

Please feel free to write if you have questions on what I have written.

Download a pdf of this document.

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Discouragement is a problem that needles many people. Every day one either personally struggles with discouragement or encounters someone who is struggling with discouragement

Is this what God had in mind when he said “Fear not, neither be discouraged (Deut 1:21)”; or “Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world (John 16:33)”?

I doubt it. The Bible is full of promises and admonitions that speak otherwise

In the Old Testament God was continually trying to encourage His people:

When Joshua was being commissioned to lead the Hebrew armies, God said, “Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest” (Joshua 1:9).

Later, after an ignominious defeat had been incurred, when there would have been reason to be discouraged, God said to Joshua, “Fear not, neither be thou dismayed: take all the people of war with thee, and arise, go up to Ai: see, I have given into thy hand the king of Ai, and his people, and his city, and his land” ( Joshua 8:1).

David waxed eloquent regarding His God: “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident (Ps. 27:1-3). God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Ps. 46:1).

In the book of Isaiah there are continual encouragements to look away from the problems of daily life: “Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation” (Isa 12:2). “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness” (Isa. 41:10). “But now thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee” (Isa. 43:1,2)

Jeremiah had the same confidence: “But fear not thou, O my servant Jacob, and be not dismayed, O Israel: for, behold, I will save thee from afar off, and thy seed from the land of their captivity; and Jacob shall return, and be in rest and at ease, and none shall make him afraid” (Jer. 46:27).

When Paul was bound in the castle against his will, God stood by him saying, “Be of good cheer, Paul: for as thou hast testified of me in Jerusalem, so must thou bear witness also at Rome. (Acts 23:11)” He didn’t have lots of reasons to be encouraged but God was encouraging him just the same. When death seemed imminent, Paul encouraged the people saying, “Be of good cheer, for there shall not be the loss of any man’s life (Acts 27:22). Paul had been encouraged, and now he was encouraging others. Later he asserted: “The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me” (Hebrews 13:6).

Writing on discouragement in her book, Living in the Sunshine, Hannah Whitall Smith suggests that discouragement is really faith in evil, and speaking against God. The causes she lists are many, and include our inadequacies, difficulties that seem insurmountable, an illegitimate fear of people and mistakes we have made in the past, for all of which she cites many Bible examples of people who did not allow these kinds of dispiriting elements get them down. Moses was warned against feeling inadequate; Joshua was encouraged when facing the task of overcoming the imposing walls of Jericho; Paul was to face Roman inquisitors; Jeremiah was told not to be afraid of the people’s faces; and David certainly had plenty to mourn when considering his past, but it did not stop him from praising God. All of these people were told to be of good cheer!

She also points to two outcomes of discouragement: it leads to complaining and murmuring against God, and it is highly contagious. I fear I have been guilty of the first at times, and certainly acknowledge that I have encouraged people to do likewise.

How can we overcome discouragement? She rightly points out that it is awfully hard to talk oneself out of discouragement. The best thing is to trust God and believe His promises, and then turn from the discouragement. Regarding the latter, I don’t know of anything better than cultivating a grateful attitude and choosing to say “yes” and “thank you” for whatever is going on in my life. I would also add, doing something good for another person.

A final precious thought coming from her chapter on discouragement is the thought that mistakes are not to drive us FROM God, but TO God. She reminds that the condition of a soiled table cloth doesn’t lead to it being thrown out, but to it being cleaned; and the joy and confidence a housewife could have if she knew there was a highly skilled laundress caring for her tablecloth. We of course know the one who is able to clean better than any other person, and we can have conplete confidence in Him.

Finally, Satan specializes in discouragement, for he knows that discouragement causes us to look at our circumstances and our inadequacies more than at God, and so long as that goes on he has the upper hand.

You may want to read all of Hannah Whitall Smith’s chapter on discouragement at path2prayer.com. You will many helpful articles on discouragement at path2prayer’s Practical Christianity section. Also, I send out a newsletter from time to time with encouraging thoughts on how to walk with Jesus, pray, and know success as a Christian. Email me at path2prayer@gmail.com to be on the mailing list.

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Hudson Taylor was greatly used of God to bring the gospel to China. Raised in a pastor’s home, he sought to have a relationship with God, but gave up during his teen years because it seemed too hard. Then, at a time when his mother was specifically praying for his salvation, he read a tract in his father’s study where he came across the words: “the finished work of Christ.” As a result of reading those words, he gave his heart to Jesus and God began doing a great work in His heart. He soon felt a call to serve God in China, and began preparing by studying to be a medical doctor and learning to live in complete dependence on God there in London. If you want to read more about this I recommend his book Retrospect which you can find as a pdf at my web site.

Taylor was a pioneer in more ways than one. Not only was he one of the first missionaries to go to China, he was also the first Western Missionary to adopt the Chinese style of dress. He was convinced that the best way to reach the Chinese people was to be as much like them as possible so long as one didn’t compromise and sin. There was a blessed response, and many Chinese were won to the Lord Jesus. Hudson Taylor began recruiting volunteers and they came by the hundreds.

In spite of all this work for God, Taylor was a struggling Christian, and bemoaned his constant seeming defeats. Then things changed, and he found that receiving Jesus brought a new victory and joy into his life. As a result his prayers took on a new life. He had a new joy in reading the Bible. He also experienced a new freedom from care and peace that he had not known previously. He began to live a life on the highest plane. It is out of that experience that His preaching took a new joyful and optimistic tone. The excerpt I share on receiving the Holy Spirit comes from a talk He gave in Detroit Michigan at a great missionary conference in 1894. I am sure you will be blessed in reading.

Hudson Taylor: Learning that “Shall” Means “Shall”!:

“A full equipment is to be filled with the Holy Spirit. And how simply it is to be attained! You know where to go. That poor Samaritan woman did not know in whose presence she was. The Master said to her, “If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldst have asked of Him and He would have given thee living water.” And she did ask, very ignorantly indeed, not knowing what she asked. He knew, and He gave her that which she so ignorantly asked. He said to her, before He had fully blessed her, a word that is recorded for your instruction and mine, “Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again.” Oh, how true it is; all the waters of earth, how thirsty they leave us, or how soon we become thirsty again! “But,” continued our Master, there is something better, “whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst” — shall never thirst!

“It may have been the end of 1868 or the beginning of 1869 when I discovered that “shall” means “ shall,” and that “never “ means “ never,” and that “thirst” means “ thirst.” I can’t tell you how delighted I was, for I was so thirsty [for spiritual power and fulfillment] at the time. And so hungry and thirsty was I as the Spirit of God threw his own Divine light on those words, that I saw that “shall” means “shall,” and “never” means “never,” and “thirst” means “ thirst.” I leaped from my seat; I could not sit still. How I did praise God that the thirsty days were all past! Well, you know, it is only a little over twenty years since then, and they haven’t come back since; and twenty thousand years hence, when you and I meet up there, I shall have the same story to tell you. He has promised it to me and I believe it.

“But don’t misread His Word. He does not say whosoever drank shall never thirst; but whosoever drinketh. It is in the present tense. We are not, with the appetite taken away, to stop drinking: “Whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst.” Isn’t it glorious to feel that every one of you may just take that living water now and drink now and thirst no more; and to find you have got the well, and that you haven’t to go and seek it — so different from the old pumping I used to try, and that was so ineffective? You cannot give people that which you yourself don’t possess. What is the use of going over the beds with an empty watering-can? But when the Lord fills it and keeps it full and gives you delight to drink day by day, it just overflows! Go amongst your beautiful hills and see a waterfall, and put a great barrel under the waterfall, and it will soon be full and it will overflow, and as much water will overflow from that barrel as comes down from above. Take that great barrel away and put a little bucket there. The bucket will soon be just as full as the barrel, and when it overflows it will overflow just as much. I am the little bucket; it is easily filled and the flowing is so easy; there is no toil, there is no labor.”

Read more about Hudson Taylor at path2prayer.com

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